{"id":5519,"date":"2022-11-22T23:20:07","date_gmt":"2022-11-22T17:50:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/drsharongrossman.com\/?p=5519"},"modified":"2023-02-03T14:06:30","modified_gmt":"2023-02-03T08:36:30","slug":"how-to-stay-positive-when-surrounded-by-negativity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/drsharongrossman.com\/how-to-stay-positive-when-surrounded-by-negativity\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stay Positive When Surrounded by Negativity"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” global_colors_info=”{}” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”]Did you used to be a lot more optimistic? Have you noticed that your attitude has gradually declined?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is what can happen when you\u2019re surrounded by naysayers, people who are negative and who focus on why things aren\u2019t going to work instead of figuring out how to make them work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps you work in a bureaucratic system that doesn\u2019t allow for change and this really bugs you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Your attitude can also become more cynical when you\u2019ve burned out.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you catch your mind going down the toilet and want to get back to your more positive self, read on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Turkey Tray<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

A young girl watches her mother prepare the turkey for Thanksgiving.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The girl\u2019s mother neatly cuts off both ends of the turkey before putting it into the tray and placing the tray in the oven.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Being the inquisitive child that she is, she asks her mother, \u201cWhy do you cut off both ends of the turkey?\u201d to which the mother responds, \u201cThat\u2019s the way my mother always did it.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

At the dinner table later that evening, the mother asked her mother, \u201cMom, why do you always cut off both ends of the turkey?\u201d The grandmother gave the same response as the mother, stating that this is what her mother had always done.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They turn to the great grandmother at the other end of the table and these three generations of women ask, \u201cWhy then did you cut off both ends of the turkey? Was it how your mother taught you to do it as well?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

To their surprise, the great grandmother responded, \u201cNo. We had a small turkey tray. Had I not cut off the ends, it wouldn\u2019t have fit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The younger generations had access to big enough trays, but were still cutting the turkey without understanding why they were doing it. It\u2019s just the way they\u2019ve always done it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Two Types of Mindsets<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Carol Dweck, Stanford researcher and author of the popular book, <\/span>Mindset<\/span><\/a>, made popular the notion that there are two important mindsets: The fixed and the growth mindset.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Those who resist change because they want to play it safe harbor a fixed mindset. They tend to feel highly anxious about making a mistake because of the meaning they attribute to not being perfect.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Those with a fixed mindset believe you have very little control over your accomplishments because you are born with certain skills, abilities, or intelligence and it can\u2019t really change. They cage themselves into the \u201cthis is as good as it gets\u201d mentality, and keep their head down. They don\u2019t allow themselves to explore because of the fear of disappointment and failure. They justify playing small by saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not possible,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s unrealistic,\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s too much uncertainty,\u201d or by asking \u201cWhat if it doesn\u2019t work out?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

On the flip side, those with a growth mindset believe quite the opposite. They understand that mistakes are there for us to learn from and that growth and expansion are opportunities. They realize what is possible and are more likely to take risks as a result.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How To Navigate Around Those with a Fixed Mindset<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s assume you have a growth mindset and are frustrated that the people around you think quite differently. How can you navigate around them?<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the ways you can move the needle with people who have a fixed mindset is to focus on what you want. As you break through barriers that are seemingly impossible to them, it will open them up to look at new possibilities. You\u2019ll intrigue their curiosity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This approach provides an indirect and yet powerful impact. It\u2019s preferable to trying to shake the result out of others. Doing so only makes people defensive which can lead them to become even more ingrained in their beliefs and habits. That\u2019s because it makes them feel like you don\u2019t get it or that you\u2019re criticizing them. Give them the freedom to go about doing things the way they think is right while you model what\u2019s possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How to Approach the Fixed Mindset When I Want to Avoid Conflict?<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Are you someone who holds back what you believe when sharing it might lead to conflict?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s true that not everyone is going to agree with your view of the world. Just because someone sees something differently from you, doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll be offended by your views or that it will lead to an altercation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Imagine going out with a friend to a restaurant. Your friend wants to order chicken and you want the salmon. Just because you don\u2019t both want the same thing doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t both make decisions that meet your needs without having to control the other person\u2019s decision. In other words, disagreeing with someone is not a personal attack.<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember, the growth mindset is about\u2013well, growth! You can\u2019t grow if you don\u2019t push the boundaries and get out of your comfort zone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Growth Mindset Skill<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Imagine you\u2019re a surgeon. A patient comes in for surgery. There is a complication and the patient is upset that the surgery wasn’t done perfectly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you have a fixed mindset, you might start questioning your self-worth as a physician. \u201cMaybe I\u2019m not as good as I think I am.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s bad enough that you feel guilty for the surgical error, but beating yourself up over it won\u2019t make the situation any better.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead, adopting a growth mindset would allow you to explore, \u201cWhat could I have done differently?\u201d When you ask good questions, you increase your chances of learning.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take it one step further. As that surgeon, how many surgeries do you perform per year? You can calculate your complication rate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I did this exercise with one of my clients who reported that his complication rate is less than 7 percent. While this number is a fact, it\u2019s how you think about this number that makes all the difference.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When you treat yourself with kindness even after making a mistake, what you are really saying is:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, everybody makes mistakes. I’m actually doing well ninety-three percent of the time, and when I look at other physicians and how they’re doing, I’m right in line with all the same performance metrics. People can die whether I do something or not. I am showing up every single day doing my best. I’m going to take this opportunity to look at what didn’t work and see if there’s anything I can learn from that, so that I can decrease my seven percent down to six or five percent moving forward.<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Replacing self-criticism with self-compassion helps you feel more motivated, more energetic, and helps you get things done. This attitude adjustment also means you avoid wallowing in pity and feel less stressed and depressed about work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Self-Esteem, Self-Worth and Faulty Thinking<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Life is all about ups and downs. Our self-esteem is very much affected by external wins and losses. When things go well, you are flying high. When you experience failure, your self-esteem goes down the tubes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Along the same lines of thinking of a fixed mindset, those with imposter syndrome often think, \u201cI really don\u2019t belong here, but I’ve been able to fool everybody, so I can’t make any mistakes. If I do, they\u2019ll figure it out. They’ll find out that I am a fraud and I’ll get thrown out.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Self-worth is the antithesis of imposter syndrome.<\/span><\/p>\n

In Western culture, we are highly focused on achievements and accomplishments. We tell ourselves, \u201cWhen I accomplish this, then I’ll be worthy.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The truth of the matter is none of that is true.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let me put it to you bluntly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Imagine you\u2019re driving your car and you hit someone. They\u2019re on the ground. What\u2019s the first thought that goes through your mind? Does it matter whether that person is a child or an adult, a male or a female, what their race or beliefs are, whether they are tall or short, skinny or fat?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No, it doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why doesn\u2019t it matter?<\/span><\/p>\n

They are a human being. I care about their life. In other words, they are worthy just because they exist.<\/span><\/p>\n

If that\u2019s true for that person, it\u2019s also true about everyone else whether you hit them or not. Human life is valuable. We are worthy simply because we are alive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What if I said, \u201cYou ran over that person, but they aren\u2019t very accomplished, so who cares?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s not about your error rate, and it’s not about how productive you are at work. You are worthy as a human being. There’s nothing for you to prove.<\/span><\/p>\n

That doesn’t mean that you don’t challenge yourself or that you don\u2019t focus on growth. but the two aren’t one and the same.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Delayed Gratification<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Our wires get crossed and we don’t even realize that it’s happening. We focus on the wrong thing, thinking that it is going to get us to the place we want to go.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I’m focused on accomplishment when I really want to feel worthy, then I’ll end up feeling frustrated when I don\u2019t get what I want. Even when I achieve my goal, I will likely seek out the next goal to prove my worth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This model of \u201calways more\u201d is known as the arrival fallacy. As they say, \u201cThere is no there there.\u201d It\u2019s faulty thinking.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is how my surgeon client put it:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>I was getting through college to get to Med School. I was getting to Med School to get to Residency to get to practice. It\u2019s always this delayed gratification that hasn’t necessarily paid off because there’s always the next thing<\/span><\/i>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mindset Packaging<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Even if you try your hardest to stay upbeat, life can sometimes bring you down, especially when things don\u2019t go your way, when you can\u2019t control the outcomes, or when the people around you think differently than you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So what can you do? Turns out, your situation at work is not that different from being a parent.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When you have kids, there are these moments when you bond with your child and experience a rush of oxytocin. It is in those very moments that you think, \u201cBeing a parent is amazing! I\u2019m so blessed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Then there are moments when your kid drives you up a wall or when you have to do something for them, like change their diaper, and it\u2019s a pain in the butt.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But that pain in the butt doesn\u2019t take away from your decision to have the kid.\u00a0 Most people don\u2019t say, \u201cYou know what? I would love to have kids, but I’m going to have to wipe some butts. I’m just not cut out for parenting. I am willing to forgo having children so that I don’t have to deal with poopy diapers.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What I would encourage you to do, which would give you a lot of inner peace, is think about your work situation as a package. You take the good with the bad. Shift your mind to the point where you can confidently say, \u201cI would still choose to do it all over again, because the good is good enough to compensate for the parts that I like less, or that I’m not as passionate about.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything in life is good and bad, a package deal, and if you’re going to be in it, you have to be all in. That means accepting the fact that there’s a downside to this equation, but that you still choose it regardless.<\/span><\/p>\n

What that means for you mentally is that you no longer let the downside of things bother you or take away from the positive experience.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Your Challenge<\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Think about something going wrong. How could you avoid letting that take you down?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1) Accept that things don\u2019t need to be perfect. Not everything is going to go according to plan. You are going to make mistakes. You\u2019re not going to be right one hundred percent of the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2) Other people\u2019s disappointment is not a catastrophe. Even when they get upset over the little things, everything will work out. It won\u2019t devastate you personally or professionally. If you can respond to it, do, but let go of the things you can\u2019t control.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3) Reframe what you\u2019re doing wrong in the context of everything you\u2019re doing right. If your error rate is seven percent, remind yourself that you\u2019re getting it right 93 percent of the time. Besides, a 100 percent success rate doesn\u2019t exist for anybody.<\/span><\/p>\n

4) Set appropriate expectations with the people around you so even if they are upset with the outcome, they aren\u2019t shocked by it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Conclusion<\/b><\/h2>\n

There are many things outside of your control. Namely, you cannot usually change your circumstances or other people. What you have control over is your mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You can choose to adopt a mindset that allows for growth and expansion or you can choose to stay stuck in fear, berate yourself for your misgivings, and play small.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What will you choose?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014————————-<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you want to get my Burnout Checklist for free?<\/span><\/h3>\n

I\u2019ve created a checklist to help you identify signs of burnout and steps to take to get immediate results. Curious?<\/span><\/p>\n

Click here to get the checklist.<\/span><\/a>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” global_colors_info=”{}” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”20px||||false|false” border_width_top=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

Author<\/span><\/h4>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-129px|||||” da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” global_colors_info=”{}” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_5,3_5″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_5″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/drsharongrossman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/1203532201887480.pfiul5nXbxMJQDHwAANj_height640-240×300-1.png” title_text=”1203532201887480.pfiul5nXbxMJQDHwAANj_height640-240×300″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” border_radii=”on|300px|300px|300px|300px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_5″ _builder_version=”4.19.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.19.5″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Dr. Sharon Grossman, AKA the Burnout Doc, is a clinically trained psychologist and subject matter expert in burnout and mental health. Associations and Fortune 500 companies hire her to be their closing keynote speaker, to help their members and executives crack the code on burnout, and create custom-tailored solutions for recovery.<\/span>
Over the past 20 years, Dr. Sharon has been helping high achievers who are struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout go from exhausted to extraordinary by better understanding how their brain works and how they can design and run their programming on purpose to live the kind of life they want to live. She is the author of several books on burnout and mindset and host of the Decode Your Burnout podcast. Through her speaking, training, and coaching, she helps organizations keep their top talent.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/h5>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Did you used to be a lot more optimistic? Have you noticed that your attitude has gradually declined?\u00a0 This is what can happen when you\u2019re surrounded by naysayers, people who are negative and who focus on why things aren\u2019t going to work instead of figuring out how to make them work.\u00a0 Perhaps you work in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5522,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"Did you used to be a lot more optimistic? Have you noticed that your attitude has gradually declined?\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThis is what can happen when you\u2019re surrounded by naysayers, people who are negative and who focus on why things aren\u2019t going to work instead of figuring out how to make them work.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nPerhaps you work in a bureaucratic system that doesn\u2019t allow for change and this really bugs you.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nYour attitude can also become more cynical when you\u2019ve burned out.<\/span>\r\n\r\nIf you catch your mind going down the toilet and want to get back to your more positive self, read on.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

The Turkey Tray<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nA young girl watches her mother prepare the turkey for Thanksgiving.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThe girl\u2019s mother neatly cuts off both ends of the turkey before putting it into the tray and placing the tray in the oven.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nBeing the inquisitive child that she is, she asks her mother, \u201cWhy do you cut off both ends of the turkey?\u201d to which the mother responds, \u201cThat\u2019s the way my mother always did it.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nAt the dinner table later that evening, the mother asked her mother, \u201cMom, why do you always cut off both ends of the turkey?\u201d The grandmother gave the same response as the mother, stating that this is what her mother had always done.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThey turn to the great grandmother at the other end of the table and these three generations of women ask, \u201cWhy then did you cut off both ends of the turkey? Was it how your mother taught you to do it as well?\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nTo their surprise, the great grandmother responded, \u201cNo. We had a small turkey tray. Had I not cut off the ends, it wouldn\u2019t have fit.\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nThe younger generations had access to big enough trays, but were still cutting the turkey without understanding why they were doing it. It\u2019s just the way they\u2019ve always done it.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

The Two Types of Mindsets<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nCarol Dweck, Stanford researcher and author of the popular book, <\/span>Mindset<\/span><\/a>, made popular the notion that there are two important mindsets: The fixed and the growth mindset.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThose who resist change because they want to play it safe harbor a fixed mindset. They tend to feel highly anxious about making a mistake because of the meaning they attribute to not being perfect.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThose with a fixed mindset believe you have very little control over your accomplishments because you are born with certain skills, abilities, or intelligence and it can\u2019t really change. They cage themselves into the \u201cthis is as good as it gets\u201d mentality, and keep their head down. They don\u2019t allow themselves to explore because of the fear of disappointment and failure. They justify playing small by saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not possible,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s unrealistic,\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s too much uncertainty,\u201d or by asking \u201cWhat if it doesn\u2019t work out?\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nOn the flip side, those with a growth mindset believe quite the opposite. They understand that mistakes are there for us to learn from and that growth and expansion are opportunities. They realize what is possible and are more likely to take risks as a result.<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

How To Navigate Around Those with a Fixed Mindset<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nLet\u2019s assume you have a growth mindset and are frustrated that the people around you think quite differently. How can you navigate around them?<\/span>\r\n\r\nOne of the ways you can move the needle with people who have a fixed mindset is to focus on what you want. As you break through barriers that are seemingly impossible to them, it will open them up to look at new possibilities. You\u2019ll intrigue their curiosity.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThis approach provides an indirect and yet powerful impact. It\u2019s preferable to trying to shake the result out of others. Doing so only makes people defensive which can lead them to become even more ingrained in their beliefs and habits. That\u2019s because it makes them feel like you don\u2019t get it or that you\u2019re criticizing them. Give them the freedom to go about doing things the way they think is right while you model what\u2019s possible.<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

How to Approach the Fixed Mindset When I Want to Avoid Conflict?<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nAre you someone who holds back what you believe when sharing it might lead to conflict?\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s true that not everyone is going to agree with your view of the world. Just because someone sees something differently from you, doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll be offended by your views or that it will lead to an altercation.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nImagine going out with a friend to a restaurant. Your friend wants to order chicken and you want the salmon. Just because you don\u2019t both want the same thing doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t both make decisions that meet your needs without having to control the other person\u2019s decision. In other words, disagreeing with someone is not a personal attack.<\/span>\r\n\r\nRemember, the growth mindset is about\u2013well, growth! You can\u2019t grow if you don\u2019t push the boundaries and get out of your comfort zone.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

A Growth Mindset Skill<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nImagine you\u2019re a surgeon. A patient comes in for surgery. There is a complication and the patient is upset that the surgery wasn't done perfectly.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nIf you have a fixed mindset, you might start questioning your self-worth as a physician. \u201cMaybe I\u2019m not as good as I think I am.\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s bad enough that you feel guilty for the surgical error, but beating yourself up over it won\u2019t make the situation any better.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nInstead, adopting a growth mindset would allow you to explore, \u201cWhat could I have done differently?\u201d When you ask good questions, you increase your chances of learning.<\/span>\r\n\r\nLet\u2019s take it one step further. As that surgeon, how many surgeries do you perform per year? You can calculate your complication rate.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nI did this exercise with one of my clients who reported that his complication rate is less than 7 percent. While this number is a fact, it\u2019s how you think about this number that makes all the difference.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhen you treat yourself with kindness even after making a mistake, what you are really saying is:\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n\u201cHey, everybody makes mistakes. I'm actually doing well ninety-three percent of the time, and when I look at other physicians and how they're doing, I'm right in line with all the same performance metrics. People can die whether I do something or not. I am showing up every single day doing my best. I'm going to take this opportunity to look at what didn't work and see if there's anything I can learn from that, so that I can decrease my seven percent down to six or five percent moving forward.<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nReplacing self-criticism with self-compassion helps you feel more motivated, more energetic, and helps you get things done. This attitude adjustment also means you avoid wallowing in pity and feel less stressed and depressed about work.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

Self-Esteem, Self-Worth and Faulty Thinking<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nLife is all about ups and downs. Our self-esteem is very much affected by external wins and losses. When things go well, you are flying high. When you experience failure, your self-esteem goes down the tubes.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nAlong the same lines of thinking of a fixed mindset, those with imposter syndrome often think, \u201cI really don\u2019t belong here, but I've been able to fool everybody, so I can't make any mistakes. If I do, they\u2019ll figure it out. They'll find out that I am a fraud and I'll get thrown out.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nSelf-worth is the antithesis of imposter syndrome.<\/span>\r\n\r\nIn Western culture, we are highly focused on achievements and accomplishments. We tell ourselves, \u201cWhen I accomplish this, then I'll be worthy.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThe truth of the matter is none of that is true.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nLet me put it to you bluntly.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nImagine you\u2019re driving your car and you hit someone. They\u2019re on the ground. What\u2019s the first thought that goes through your mind? Does it matter whether that person is a child or an adult, a male or a female, what their race or beliefs are, whether they are tall or short, skinny or fat?\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nNo, it doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhy doesn\u2019t it matter?<\/span>\r\n\r\nThey are a human being. I care about their life. In other words, they are worthy just because they exist.<\/span>\r\n\r\nIf that\u2019s true for that person, it\u2019s also true about everyone else whether you hit them or not. Human life is valuable. We are worthy simply because we are alive.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhat if I said, \u201cYou ran over that person, but they aren\u2019t very accomplished, so who cares?\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nIt's not about your error rate, and it's not about how productive you are at work. You are worthy as a human being. There's nothing for you to prove.<\/span>\r\n\r\nThat doesn't mean that you don't challenge yourself or that you don\u2019t focus on growth. but the two aren't one and the same.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

Delayed Gratification<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nOur wires get crossed and we don't even realize that it's happening. We focus on the wrong thing, thinking that it is going to get us to the place we want to go.<\/span>\r\n\r\nIf I'm focused on accomplishment when I really want to feel worthy, then I'll end up feeling frustrated when I don\u2019t get what I want. Even when I achieve my goal, I will likely seek out the next goal to prove my worth.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThis model of \u201calways more\u201d is known as the arrival fallacy. As they say, \u201cThere is no there there.\u201d It\u2019s faulty thinking.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nThis is how my surgeon client put it:\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n\u201c<\/span>I was getting through college to get to Med School. I was getting to Med School to get to Residency to get to practice. It\u2019s always this delayed gratification that hasn't necessarily paid off because there's always the next thing<\/span><\/i>.\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

Mindset Packaging<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nEven if you try your hardest to stay upbeat, life can sometimes bring you down, especially when things don\u2019t go your way, when you can\u2019t control the outcomes, or when the people around you think differently than you.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nSo what can you do? Turns out, your situation at work is not that different from being a parent.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhen you have kids, there are these moments when you bond with your child and experience a rush of oxytocin. It is in those very moments that you think, \u201cBeing a parent is amazing! I\u2019m so blessed.\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nThen there are moments when your kid drives you up a wall or when you have to do something for them, like change their diaper, and it\u2019s a pain in the butt.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nBut that pain in the butt doesn\u2019t take away from your decision to have the kid.\u00a0 Most people don\u2019t say, \u201cYou know what? I would love to have kids, but I'm going to have to wipe some butts. I'm just not cut out for parenting. I am willing to forgo having children so that I don't have to deal with poopy diapers.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhat I would encourage you to do, which would give you a lot of inner peace, is think about your work situation as a package. You take the good with the bad. Shift your mind to the point where you can confidently say, \u201cI would still choose to do it all over again, because the good is good enough to compensate for the parts that I like less, or that I'm not as passionate about.\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\nEverything in life is good and bad, a package deal, and if you're going to be in it, you have to be all in. That means accepting the fact that there's a downside to this equation, but that you still choose it regardless.<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhat that means for you mentally is that you no longer let the downside of things bother you or take away from the positive experience.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

Your Challenge<\/span><\/h2>\r\n \r\n\r\nThink about something going wrong. How could you avoid letting that take you down?\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n1) Accept that things don\u2019t need to be perfect. Not everything is going to go according to plan. You are going to make mistakes. You\u2019re not going to be right one hundred percent of the time.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n2) Other people\u2019s disappointment is not a catastrophe. Even when they get upset over the little things, everything will work out. It won\u2019t devastate you personally or professionally. If you can respond to it, do, but let go of the things you can\u2019t control.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n3) Reframe what you\u2019re doing wrong in the context of everything you\u2019re doing right. If your error rate is seven percent, remind yourself that you\u2019re getting it right 93 percent of the time. Besides, a 100 percent success rate doesn\u2019t exist for anybody.<\/span>\r\n\r\n4) Set appropriate expectations with the people around you so even if they are upset with the outcome, they aren\u2019t shocked by it.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n \r\n

Conclusion<\/b><\/h2>\r\nThere are many things outside of your control. Namely, you cannot usually change your circumstances or other people. What you have control over is your mind.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nYou can choose to adopt a mindset that allows for growth and expansion or you can choose to stay stuck in fear, berate yourself for your misgivings, and play small.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWhat will you choose?<\/span>\r\n\r\n\u2014-------------------------<\/span>\r\n

Do you want to get my Burnout Checklist for free?<\/span><\/h3>\r\nI\u2019ve created a checklist to help you identify signs of burnout and steps to take to get immediate results. Curious?<\/span>\r\n\r\nClick here to get the checklist.<\/span><\/a>","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Stay Positive When Surrounded by Negativity - Dr. Sharon Grossman<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/drsharongrossman.com\/how-to-stay-positive-when-surrounded-by-negativity\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Stay Positive When Surrounded by Negativity - Dr. Sharon Grossman\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Did you used to be a lot more optimistic? 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