and enter promo code: REALISTIC75 or check out the show notes for the info.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nLet\u2019s say you set your goal, but things turned out differently from what you planned. What do you tell yourself about it? What you make things mean creates the emotion within you. If you feel disappointed, it\u2019s likely because of a thought such as, \u201cThat sucks. I really wanted to have that. Bummer.\u201d It\u2019s absolutely normal to have a reaction like this, but it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s the most effective way to manage your expectations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nYou see, there is a <\/span>difference between expecting and aiming. You can aim for a goal with the expectation that you may or may not attain it. But if you expect it and it doesn\u2019t go your way, your disappointment may hinder you from aiming again in the future. This means, it\u2019s important to monitor your mind chatter and whether you let the shortcoming get in the way of growth. In essence, what this boils down to is <\/span>acceptance<\/b>. You grow with intention by setting goals that stretch you, <\/span>but you hav<\/span>e to have acceptance built in in the event that you don\u2019t accomplish what you want.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nKeep in mind that sometimes it takes a while to achieve your goals. Go back to the acronym and see what may have contributed to this failure. Maybe the goal was realistic in what you\u2019re aiming for but not in the time frame. Maybe it\u2019s a realistic goal that wasn\u2019t attainable at this time for you because of other circumstances. When you take the time to examine what led to your lack of success, you can set yourself up better the next go around.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nWhat if you\u2019re able to manage your expectations of yourself pretty well, but where you get tripped up is in what you expect of others? If that\u2019s you, notice that the primary emotion you feel isn\u2019t typically disappointment. It\u2019s likely more along the lines of frustration.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nHere\u2019s why. When you expect someone else to do something, like meet you at your favorite lunch spot at noon and they show up late, you probably have a thought like, \u201cThey\u2019re so inconsiderate. The least they could have done is call to say they are running late. They should be more considerate.\u201d It\u2019s this last phrase, the \u201cshould\u201d that is directly tied to your frustration. In other words, every time you tell yourself that someone should be different than how they are, you\u2019re guaranteed to feel frustrated. How else would you feel? Think about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nSo how can you manage your expectations of other people? Here are my top tips:<\/span><\/p>\n\nCommunicate what you expect clearly and, in some cases, often, depending on the person and the situation.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\nMake sure the person understands. It\u2019s helpful to have them restate the agreement to you so you\u2019re sure you\u2019re both on the same page.<\/span><\/li>\nExpectations of others can include what you want them to do but it can also be for them to conform to your beliefs or ways of thinking. Steer clear of this kind of expectation and instead, agree to disagree. Focusing on the need to be right is about ego and is detrimental to your relationships.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\nSo far we\u2019ve talked about how you can manage your internal expectations – what you expect of yourself and others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nBut how d<\/span>o you handle the expectations that others hold of you? As it turns out, if you\u2019re not asking this question of yourself, you might be responding subconsciously.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nYou see, other people\u2019s expectations can become your programming.<\/span> Th<\/span>at\u2019s why some professionals go into their careers because it is what their parents wanted them to do. It\u2019s part of the reason why people marry someone their parents will approve of often. You get the point. So if you want to be your own agent, you need to be asking the right questions.<\/span><\/p>\nAnna Quindlen, author of \u201cBeing Perfect,\u201d shared this quote about why listening to yourself instead of others is important. Here\u2019s what she said, <\/span>\u201cSomeday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be. I don’t want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, ‘It is never too late to be what you might have been.’ It is never too early, either.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nI ask you, is that you? Do you have a black hole in your core? Is it because you don\u2019t have a sense of purpose? Is it because you let other people dictate your life for you? If it is, do something about it please.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nI don\u2019t want to give the notion that other people\u2019s expectations of you is always a bad thing, though. You\u2019ll notice that at work, if your boss expects you to perform certain tasks, that\u2019s not a negative. In this case, the way to handle the expectation is to ask for specific <\/span>feedback<\/b>. You want to make sure you are doing what is expected of you because that\u2019s what you signed up for. It\u2019s better to be proactive and ask for that feedback than hear back from your boss later in the year during your review that you\u2019re not living up to expectations. And if you want to learn more about how to elicit the best kind of feedback, go back and listen to episode 21.<\/span><\/p>\nConsider this: Expectations are subjective. Goals are objective. You either attain them or you don\u2019t and you need evidence. Instead of sitting back and expecting things to happen when it comes to your personal goals, plan and executive. When it comes to others\u2019 goals for you, instead of focusing on the wrong thing and falling short, get that feedback and make sure you\u2019re super clear on the person\u2019s communication.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nJust to overdeliver, I have 3 more amazing tips that I think can make a massive difference in how you manage expectations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\nWe started out by talking about setting realistic expectations. But how can you do that? My tip is to sort through the three types of expectations: The ones you want of yourself, the ones you want of others, and the ones others want of you and put them in these 3 buckets: The first bucket is for expectations that are easily fulfilled. Anything that goes here is, by definition, realistic. The second bucket is for expectations that take time, energy, and effort to fulfill. And the third bucket is for expectations that will remain unfulfilled. This should give you some clarity on what is happening in your life.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\nEarlier, we mentioned the importance of acceptance. As the Buddhist saying goes, \u201cIf something is in your control, why be unhappy? And if something is not in your control, why be unhappy?\u201d Accepting the things that don\u2019t work out for you will allow you to stay contented no matter what.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\nAnd finally, even beyond acceptance, I encourage you to focus on <\/span>growth<\/b>. When I was growing up, my dad always said, \u201cIf you have low expectations, you can\u2019t be disappointed.\u201d What if you aimed for the moon with the mindset that when expectations aren\u2019t fulfilled, you will accept that and look for the lesson in it? Your growth is more important than the suffering you experience when you feel disappointment or frustration.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\nAs you can see, so much of your success comes back to your mindset and being intentional. If you\u2019d like more mindset tips, go to bit.ly\/mindsetmasterykit and sign up. That\u2019s where I share everything you need to feel better, optimize your performance, and increase your confidence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nAnd remember to tune back in every Wednesday for your weekly dose of Optimize Your Life. See you next time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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Show Notes: Hello and welcome to our 40th episode here at Optimize Your Life. I\u2019m just amazed and thrilled to be reaching this marker. This week we\u2019re diving into expectations. We\u2019re going to talk about how to set expectations that are realistic and how to manage 3 different types of expectations. So if you\u2019re someone […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":3021,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"yoast_head":"\n
Optimize Your Life Ep 40 - Dr. Sharon Grossman<\/title>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n