[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.8.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(0,0,0,0.34)” background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(0,0,0,0.34)” background_color_gradient_end_position=”27%” background_color_gradient_overlays_image=”on” background_image=”https:\/\/drsharongrossman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/rose-5452046_1920.jpg” bottom_divider_style=”curve2″ bottom_divider_color=”#FFFFFF” bottom_divider_flip=”vertical” da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” locked=”off” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_fullwidth_header title=”Optimize Your Life” subhead=”Episode #15: How to Crack the Code on Self-Forgiveness” text_orientation=”center” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ title_font_size=”45px” subhead_font_size=”23px” background_enable_color=”off” use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(0,0,0,0.14)” background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(0,0,0,0.19)” background_color_gradient_end_position=”28%” background_color_gradient_overlays_image=”on” custom_padding=”80px||180px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=”50px||120px||false|false” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” hover_enabled=”0″ title_font_size_tablet=”” title_font_size_phone=”30px” title_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_fullwidth_header][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Hello and welcome to the show, Optimize Your Life, where each week I talk about one way you can level up and most of the time, it comes down to mindset. This week, my friends, is no exception. We are going to talk about your relationship with yourself, more specifically – how you relate to yourself when you\u2019ve made a mistake that you have a hard time forgiving yourself for.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Let\u2019s start by defining some terms: <\/span>According to Wikipedia, \u201cForgiveness, in a psychological sense, is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may initially feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.\u201d Self-forgiveness is, of course, applying some of this to yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Now it may not be easy to do, but forgiving yourself is <\/span>important<\/strong> for both your physical and mental health. When we hold onto resentment, it increases our stress levels and takes a toll on our well-being. Say, for instance, you are an executive assistant and you are supposed to put together the company retreat, but you made a blunder and the day before the event, you find out there is a problem with the venue. As a result, it\u2019s going to cost the company more money or you have to somehow deviate from the plan. You might feel embarrassed about the oversight and afraid of the repercussions, but you might also get stuck in a cycle of self-loathing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Mark Victor Hansen said, “Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior.” It makes sense that if you understand how your mental and emotion states lead to your behaviors and if you\u2019re filled with negativity, you might believe you don\u2019t deserve happiness and then block yourself from joy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n What if you\u2019re a surgeon and you make a mistake during an operation which can sometimes mean the difference between life and death? How can you live with yourself after the fact?<\/span><\/p>\n Now imagine that you\u2019re a parent and you\u2019ve taken your child to the beach. When you weren\u2019t looking, he went into the water and got swept up by a current and drowned. What do you do?<\/span><\/p>\n These scenarios can be extreme, but typically they aren\u2019t this bad. People struggle with self-forgiveness for the smallest things as well like coming late to a meeting or getting in a fender bender or misplacing an item. If you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself, it won\u2019t take much to put you over the edge.<\/span><\/p>\n But what I want to do today is address how to forgive yourself regardless of what has happened. Even though it can seem hard, it\u2019s mission critical.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This brings me to the question of <\/span>why it\u2019s hard<\/strong> for people to forgive themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n I can think of three reasons:<\/span><\/p>\n But lucky for you, we\u2019re here to talk about how to crack the code on self-forgiveness so you can break free from the resentment, self-loathing, and hatred you might otherwise hold within. This stuff is just toxic so it\u2019s important to figure this out once and for all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As with anything else, I believe the meat of this is your <\/span>mindset<\/strong>. It\u2019s about what you believe because that\u2019s going to drive your actions. But before I break this down for you, I want to share some quotes which I think shed light on this subject.<\/span><\/p>\n Maya Angelou said, \u201cForgive yourself for not knowing what you didn\u2019t know before you learned it.\u201d This is important because life is all about learning and we learn most from mistakes that we make. You can\u2019t expect yourself to know everything in advance. Making mistakes is part of the human experience. Of course you\u2019re going to mess up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Dale Carnegie said, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn\u2014and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” So while it may seem like a noble thing to do to hold yourself accountable by not forgiving yourself, doing just the opposite is the real hard work and what is more noble.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n When you are filled with resentment toward yourself, you create a heart wall. You block your emotions and are likely filled with negative self-talk. As Amy Leigh Mercree said, “Your inner critic is simply a part of you that needs more<\/span> self-love<\/strong>.” That is to say, if you\u2019re struggling with negative mind chatter, it\u2019s a sign that you have more work to do to turn your relationship with yourself around.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Finally, Jack Kornfield said, “If your <\/span>compassion<\/strong> does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” And this brings us to the final question for today,<\/span> how<\/em><\/strong> you can forgive yourself<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n\n