Show Notes:

Hello again WIMBAs. How’ve you been? It’s always something I wonder about since I’m essentially talking to you but on my own. I hope you’re finding the content of this show helpful. And speaking of helpful, today I’m going to be sharing with you helpful ways of thinking to replace any unhelpful thinking patterns you might have. This is sometimes referred to as cognitive reframing or restructuring and it’s an important skill to have. 

Here’s the thing. Life’s going to throw you curveballs. There will always be something to worry or stress about. But it’s not really about our circumstances. As you’ll see, it’s about the way you think about your circumstances which will determine how you feel. 

What we’re going to do today is take a look at some common negative thinking patterns that might be getting you into trouble and then I’ll be sharing with you some cognitive restructuring techniques you can implement to turn your thinking around. 

Think of a difficult situation that you’re in. Got something? Perhaps it’s working with a coworker or a patient that makes you crazy. Maybe it’s the knowledge that you have student loan debt and you worry about paying it off. It might even be about your health or some other aspect of your future. 

What you want to do initially is jot down all your thoughts about the situation. Take out a sheet of paper and write out everything that passes through your mind. Once you have that list, we’re going to guide you through a few different questions to consider. 

The first question you might ask yourself is whether the thought you wrote down is indeed a thought or a fact. You see, all too often, we have thoughts pop up in our heads and we confuse what’s real with what isn’t. We conclude that if we think it, it must be true. But when I’ve taken my clients through this exercise, they realized that every single thought they have is not actually factual. And here’s how you know. 

Consider the sentence on the page. Is it something that everyone would agree with or would some people beg to differ? You see, facts are indisputable. They aren’t your opinion. It’s something that anyone would conclude given the situation. If there’s a light on you see it. You would expect everyone to see it as well (unless, of course, they are blind). But you get the point. 

Thoughts are different. You can be in the same situation as 10 other people and each one of you might have a different perspective on it. In fact, the reason we have different opinions, interpretations, or thoughts is precisely because we have different perspectives or belief structures. 

So why should you care about this? Because when you think about things in an unhelpful way, it can create negative emotions within you. Our goal is to replace stress-producing thoughts and lighten your load. You in, right?

Let’s look at some examples. 

Take catastrophizing. It’s when you take a situation and you make a mountain out of a molehill. You tell yourself this is the absolute worst thing that could happen and get yourself all riled up. Your anxiety mounts and the next thing you know, you’re overcome with a hundred different “what if” scenarios — all of them bad. 

The key with restructuring your thinking is always mindfulness. You need to slow down enough to recognize what’s happening so you can take that u-turn. That’s where writing your thoughts down comes in handy. Having them written out in front of you gives you enough of a visual that you can now ask yourself some follow up questions. 

Catastrophizing is considering a bunch of negative future events unfolding. One way to restructure this is to go way out on a limb. Ask yourself, “What is the worst case scenario?” Once you identify what that might be, consider what you would do if that were to happen. I like this strategy because if you are prepared for the worst, you are prepared for anything less than. 

Another strategy is to also consider the best case scenario and when compared to the worst case scenario, find something in between that is most likely to happen.  By doing this, you’re establishing a range. And by looking at likelihood, you can put your worries to rest. 

Let’s say you’re not worried about the future, but you’re stuck in the past. You’re upset because of something you think your friend did or said. One way to tackle situations like this is to evaluate the evidence. What concrete evidence do you have that supports your idea that this actually happened? This is an important thing to consider because all too often our mind makes up stories and these stories take us down a rabbit hole. Before we realize it, we’re convinced this actually happened the way we imagined and we aren’t grounded in reality. 

What if you’re dealing with a difficult situation and you want to turn it around? How can you do this without going from a purely negative place to a completely unrealistic positive place? The key word here is realistic. Too often people are afraid of turning their negative thoughts around because they think it’s preparing them for reality, but they aren’t doing that anymore than being overly optimistic. The reality is that life is 50/50. So if you’re too much of a pessimist or too much of an optimist, you’re likely not very realistic. 

One question to consider when facing a difficult situation is how you might look at it as an opportunity? When our brain thinks about it as difficult, we get into fight or flight mode. We become anxious as if our life depends on things working out when in fact, you’re safe. You’re just facing a challenge. It’s an opportunity to stretch yourself and grow. 

Perhaps you notice arousal in your body. You’re on fire. What does it mean? Well, you can look at it as anger, frustration, irritation or you can look at it as excitement or even euphoria. Something’s happening. That’s a fact. But it’s all about what you’re making it mean. 

Too often people interpret arousal signs as something to feel worried about and ironically you experience them when you’re anxious to begin with so it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. 

Let’s take your responsibilities or tasks. I often hear people say things like, “I have to do this.” When they state it like that, it feels like a chore. So what about reframing things you volunteer to do (and this includes tasks in your job and at home) as a privilege rather than your duty? Think about it: No one is making you do these things. You can always opt out. There is nothing forcing you to do things you don’t want to do. You do them, in truth, because either you think it’s what you should do or what others want you to do. But you still have an out. So if you’re going to go through with these tasks, at least remind yourself that you have a choice. It’s a lot more empowering. Tell yourself, “I get to do this.”

Sometimes, even when you’ve put in the effort and taken all the steps, you will experience failure. You will make mistakes. And if you’re not careful, you might end up beating yourself up over these. So it’s important to reconstruct failure. I dedicated an entire podcast episode to learning from your mistakes on my show Optimize Your Life so if you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out episode 42. I’ll put the link in the show notes as well. 

Ultimately, for our purposes, you want to remind yourself that failure is part of learning. It’s part of being human. There are no exceptions so stop beating yourself up. Reframe the failure and find a lesson in it. 

As you can see, there are all different thinking patterns that our brain generates that are unhelpful. We know they are unhelpful because they cause negative emotions within us. It is our job to monitor our thoughts so we can change the way we feel. 

To recap, you want to examine your thoughts and distinguish them from facts. You want to consider the best and the worst case scenario and find the most likely scenario, which is likely somewhere in between. You want to consider what you would do should the situation match your worst case scenario to prepare you for anything but keeping in mind that the worst case scenario usually doesn’t happen. 

You want to consider evidence for and against your thoughts. 

Change threats to opportunities.

Interpret arousal as excitement instead of anger.

Change your thoughts about chores to privileges.

And reframe failures as lessons.

Lots to take into account. This is simple but harder than it sounds, especially if you’re not super mindful and you’re stuck in a pattern of thinking that’s hard to break out of. But believe me, I’ve worked with plenty of women in medicine just like you and it is doable. And the best part is when I work with them, it happens in weeks! A lot faster than you might realize. 

If you’re curious about how coaching can help you change your thinking, sign up for a free Breakthrough session with me. Go to www.bookachatwithsharon.com

I’ll look forward to finally speaking with you rather than just to you.