I just returned from a conference where I had the chance to watch two keynote speakers back-to-back. As a speaker myself, I’m always observing how others engage their audience, but this time, something stood out in a way I hadn’t expected.
Within moments of the second speaker’s presentation, I could tell—there was a stark difference between the two, and it wasn’t just about the content. It was about leadership.
It was a masterclass in how to motivate and inspire vs. how to disengage and demotivate.
What I Witnessed
The second speaker made three critical mistakes:
- Highlighting mistakes instead of wins
She shared examples of people who had gotten things wrong, emphasizing failures instead of focusing on the positive aspects of their work. It was clear that the examples were meant to be learning opportunities, but all they did was cast a negative light on the individuals involved. - “Gotcha” moments for audience engagement
She asked the audience three consecutive questions—each designed to get a reaction. The catch? If you answered “yes,” you were immediately told you were wrong. The result? A sense of humiliation rather than empowerment. - Over-explaining everything
Before telling us a story, she would announce it. “Now, let me tell you a story…” This took the audience out of the flow and created a kind of artificial pause that felt unnecessary.
In contrast, the first speaker had a completely different approach:
- She celebrated wins. Instead of focusing on mistakes, she highlighted audience members’ successes.
- She ensured participation was safe. Rather than singling anyone out, she used anonymous surveys to gather input.
- She trusted the flow. She didn’t announce every transition, letting the story and the content unfold naturally.
What It Did to the Audience
The second speaker’s approach did more harm than good. Her focus on what went wrong and her “gotcha” questions created an atmosphere of discomfort. Rather than feeling encouraged to participate, the audience members were left feeling on edge, wondering if they’d get the answer “wrong.”
And her over-explanation took away the natural flow of the event. It wasn’t just a presentation—it was a performance, and not in a good way.
On the other hand, the first speaker had the audience engaged, feeling like part of the experience. By celebrating wins, she made everyone feel included and empowered. Her anonymous surveys allowed for honest input without the fear of judgment. And her seamless transitions kept the energy in the room high, leaving no space for discomfort or confusion.
How You Can Apply This as a Leader
As leaders, we should avoid the “gotcha” mentality. The goal isn’t to prove we know more than our teams; it’s to uplift them and guide them to success. Here’s how to do it:
- Celebrate wins
Focus on the positives. Highlight successes within your team, and make sure to publicly acknowledge their efforts. Recognizing progress fosters a growth mindset. - Make participation safe
Create a space where people feel comfortable sharing their thoughts without fear of being ridiculed or shamed. Whether it’s through anonymous feedback or careful framing of questions, people need to feel that their input is valued. - Trust the flow
When leading a meeting, presentation, or discussion, resist the urge to announce every transition. Trust that your audience or team is following along and will stay engaged without constant reminders of what’s coming next.
At the end of the day, leadership isn’t about making others feel small so we can shine. It’s about encouraging growth, building confidence, and creating a safe space for learning. If we can do that, we’ll be the kind of leaders that inspire—not just manage.
What changes can you make to shift from “gotcha” moments to growth moments in your leadership?
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