What Happened: A Shift in the Conversation
A urologic surgeon, Dr. Behfar Ehdaie, sat with a patient discussing treatment options for prostate cancer. Instead of focusing on medical risks and procedures, the conversation took an unexpected turn. The patient’s real concern wasn’t just his health—it was the future his grandchildren would inherit.
Dr. Ehdaie could have redirected the discussion back to medicine, but instead, he listened. He shared his own thoughts about the world and his hopes for future generations. That moment of connection changed everything. Only after this deeper exchange did they return to the treatment decision. The patient walked away feeling confident—not just in the choice he made, but in the person guiding him through it.
This moment isn’t just about medicine; it’s about leadership. Strong leaders don’t just provide answers—they ask questions that uncover what truly matters.
Why It Matters: Leadership Is About Connection
Many leaders assume their job is to direct, decide, and solve problems. But influence isn’t about having the right answers—it’s about asking the right questions.
When leaders take the time to understand what people care about most, they build trust. They uncover unspoken concerns and make room for honest discussions. This approach leads to stronger commitment and better decisions—not because someone was told what to do, but because they felt heard.
With rising disengagement and constant change, leaders who can spark meaningful conversations set themselves apart. They create environments where people don’t just follow—they invest.
How to Lead with Better Questions
Want to strengthen your influence? Start here:
- Go Beyond the Expected.
Instead of focusing only on tasks, ask questions that uncover real priorities:- “What’s been on your mind that we haven’t discussed?”
- “What does success look like for you in this situation?”
- “What’s something important to you that others might overlook?”
- Listen for Meaning, Not Just Words.
People often reveal their biggest concerns indirectly. Pay attention to what they emphasize, what they hesitate to say, and the emotions behind their words. Instead of jumping in with a solution, acknowledge what you hear. Sometimes, knowing someone understands is more valuable than a quick fix. - Share Something Personal.
Just as Dr. Ehdaie opened up about his own thoughts, leaders who share their experiences make it easier for others to do the same. Talking about a challenge you’ve faced or a perspective you’ve gained builds connection and trust.
Try This:
This week, ask someone a question that goes beyond work. Maybe it’s “What’s something you’ve accomplished recently that you’re proud of?” or “What’s a challenge you’ve been thinking about a lot?” Then, let the conversation unfold.
You might be surprised at what you learn—and how much stronger your leadership becomes because of it.
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